At the risk of sounding like your old Uncle Fred, who complains about the “youth of today” and how he walked to school uphill, both ways, in the snow, with no shoes – I have to say that I was using eBay back when there were very, very few things listed in 1997. I was so excited to find the site – I think it was through Geocities, actually – and knew it was going to be big. (Your Czarina is a bit of a geek. In college I was using Telnet and Usenet. And Gopher. If you don’t know what any of that means, you don’t have the girl geek disease.)

I was a devotee for a long time. I purchased a good amount of our wedding supplies from eBay, and quite a few old books and antiques. Unfortunately, in the last couple of years, your Czarina has been hoping and wishing that someone would start a competing service.

Ebay is simply unfair 1) to sellers, because the fees are absolutely outrageous, 2) to buyers, because the site has become so cluttered with counterfeiters and rip-off artists, and 3) they force everyone to use PayPal, and PayPal sucks. I have experienced all three of these categories and it was deeply unpleasant.

First, I have tried to sell things, and, while I have managed to sell one or two things, eBay’s sale percentage fees came to a substantial amount of the purchase. They continually raise these fees. Then, if you throw in PayPal fees, and shipping fees, it rapidly becomes not worth it to sell. I can pass some of the cost on to the buyer, but do that too much and you won’t be selling anything.

Second, as a buyer, I would love to be able to purchase handbags without having to go through an elaborate authentication process. An entire subforum on The Purse Forum is dedicated to the vagaries of buying on eBay, and the site has detailed information as to whether a bag on eBay is authentic or a nasty copy. I’m not going to get into the ethics of counterfeit bags here (at least today) but your Czarina is against them. I also got ripped off once. I bought a Tod’s bag that was supposed to be authentic, and the seller had lots of positive feedback, but instead it was lousy copy. I wasn’t sophisticated enough at that time to know exactly to what extent bags are faked. Today they are faked down to the zippers. When I brought it into the Tod’s store on Oak Street to be fixed, I read it in their faces: it was fake. I was very embarrassed and that was the last time I bought anything of any value on eBay.

I also like to collect pretty but mismatched teacups. Last year, the last teacup I bought was hideous and not at all as described. And that was the last time I bought anything on eBay. It just isn’t worth the risk, trouble, or money.

Third, PayPal sucks and good luck ever getting decent customer service if something goes wrong. You can find the stories and mine isn’t that much different.

BUT – insert angels singing here – someone heard me and started a new online auction service that’s growing by the day. Meet Bonanzle. It is much easier to use, much easier to find things, and as of now, fees are very, very low or nonexistent. You can even import your feedback from eBay so you aren’t starting all over in the reputation arena. Bonanzle has a little more of a social media aspect to it; you can IM your seller and everyone has a “booth,” including yours truly.

I’m sure some people will disagree with me and say that eBay is still worth it. But for what I need it for, it isn’t. Since customer service and technology that serves YOU instead of enslaving you is what I’m all about here, I’m all about Bonanzle instead. Check it out.

As your Czarina has said in the last post, life hasn’t stopped because she stopped blogging. No! In fact, she has been accumulating an entire eight months’ worth of customer service sucktitude that she is excited to share with you over the next couple of weeks, in the form of her 2009 Crud List.

The people, organizations or companies on the Crud List have committed real or imagined affronts to customer service, in the Czarina’s opinion (which is the only opinion that really counts.)

Without further ado, the first company to make the 2009 Crud List:

Neiman Marcus: Theoretically I could give NM a break, because all of retail is suffering. I used to work retail to put myself through grad school, and I can tell you it is brutal. I once had a woman scream at me for not holding a $40 skirt for her – she had not asked me or any other salesgirl to do so. She left it in the dressing room and wandered off after something shiny during a crazy markdown sale with lines to use the dressing room a mile long. So, of course, someone used that dressing room after the woman had left it and decided to buy that particular skirt. Rabid Skirt Woman was foaming at the mouth when she found it missing out of the dressing room. C’mon, lady. If you want it that badly, then keep it with you.

As a result of these experiences, the Czarina does not abuse retail help and takes a dim view of anyone who does. But I just can’t give NM any more leeway. I feel like I’ve been generous enough. Their downslide started way back here, with NM Online. Over the past year or so the bad customer service has leaked over into the Michigan Avenue store. I’ve walked in there, browsing their lovely purse department, and I have been alteratively ignored, assaulted by fragrance people (although this isn’t their fault, they’re like wandering minstrels over there), given the once over and assessed to be wanting in…oh, I don’t know, class?

This is a riot, because: hey, NM? Your sales are down. By like, a lot. Women’s Wear Daily says you are in pain along with Saks. I’m not going to dress up to go there when it’s 80 below. I’m going to look like a North Face wearing, frostbitten, Malemute wrestling, arctic explorer with Canadian Ugg ripoffs. At least Saks NYC had the courtesy to have a 70% off handbags sale, which resulted in practically a stampede. You have done no such thing.

In addition, NM is now also Bergdorf Goodman online. At first I thought this was great because I could use my NM charge and have things sent to me without paying the INSANE 10.25% SALES TAX THANKS TODD STROGER. WAY TO GO KILLING CHICAGO INDEPENDENT RETAIL. (As an aside, when I was shopping in LA this summer, I think the guy at YSL was about ready to pop out of his skin when I told him about our sales tax.)

I guess unsurprisingly, the customer service at BG Online was just as bad. They didn’t give me credit for something I had returned for the longest time because they had a shortened version of my name on the shipping label and my full name on the credit information. Because a nickname TOTALLY means a different person! It took me almost a month to get that resolved and I called every single day for about a week. And you know I have nothing better to do.

So to sum up: in person, NM’s customer service is crud. Online, it’s also crud. Guess what? I can get 99% of stuff I would ever get at NM elsewhere and probably for less. Some luxury companies understand that the days of the 5k handbag are over…at least for anyone who isn’t using bejeweled Charmin.

I really hope they learn their lesson. In a way it’s very sad that a place that was supposed to be all about the service now seems to be all about nothing.

For that, NM folks, you have the honor of being the Czarina’s first “C List” installment. Enjoy! Don’t forget your Ugg ripoffs when you’re out in the cold.