As your Czarina has said in the last post, life hasn’t stopped because she stopped blogging. No! In fact, she has been accumulating an entire eight months’ worth of customer service sucktitude that she is excited to share with you over the next couple of weeks, in the form of her 2009 Crud List.

The people, organizations or companies on the Crud List have committed real or imagined affronts to customer service, in the Czarina’s opinion (which is the only opinion that really counts.)

Without further ado, the first company to make the 2009 Crud List:

Neiman Marcus: Theoretically I could give NM a break, because all of retail is suffering. I used to work retail to put myself through grad school, and I can tell you it is brutal. I once had a woman scream at me for not holding a $40 skirt for her – she had not asked me or any other salesgirl to do so. She left it in the dressing room and wandered off after something shiny during a crazy markdown sale with lines to use the dressing room a mile long. So, of course, someone used that dressing room after the woman had left it and decided to buy that particular skirt. Rabid Skirt Woman was foaming at the mouth when she found it missing out of the dressing room. C’mon, lady. If you want it that badly, then keep it with you.

As a result of these experiences, the Czarina does not abuse retail help and takes a dim view of anyone who does. But I just can’t give NM any more leeway. I feel like I’ve been generous enough. Their downslide started way back here, with NM Online. Over the past year or so the bad customer service has leaked over into the Michigan Avenue store. I’ve walked in there, browsing their lovely purse department, and I have been alteratively ignored, assaulted by fragrance people (although this isn’t their fault, they’re like wandering minstrels over there), given the once over and assessed to be wanting in…oh, I don’t know, class?

This is a riot, because: hey, NM? Your sales are down. By like, a lot. Women’s Wear Daily says you are in pain along with Saks. I’m not going to dress up to go there when it’s 80 below. I’m going to look like a North Face wearing, frostbitten, Malemute wrestling, arctic explorer with Canadian Ugg ripoffs. At least Saks NYC had the courtesy to have a 70% off handbags sale, which resulted in practically a stampede. You have done no such thing.

In addition, NM is now also Bergdorf Goodman online. At first I thought this was great because I could use my NM charge and have things sent to me without paying the INSANE 10.25% SALES TAX THANKS TODD STROGER. WAY TO GO KILLING CHICAGO INDEPENDENT RETAIL. (As an aside, when I was shopping in LA this summer, I think the guy at YSL was about ready to pop out of his skin when I told him about our sales tax.)

I guess unsurprisingly, the customer service at BG Online was just as bad. They didn’t give me credit for something I had returned for the longest time because they had a shortened version of my name on the shipping label and my full name on the credit information. Because a nickname TOTALLY means a different person! It took me almost a month to get that resolved and I called every single day for about a week. And you know I have nothing better to do.

So to sum up: in person, NM’s customer service is crud. Online, it’s also crud. Guess what? I can get 99% of stuff I would ever get at NM elsewhere and probably for less. Some luxury companies understand that the days of the 5k handbag are over…at least for anyone who isn’t using bejeweled Charmin.

I really hope they learn their lesson. In a way it’s very sad that a place that was supposed to be all about the service now seems to be all about nothing.

For that, NM folks, you have the honor of being the Czarina’s first “C List” installment. Enjoy! Don’t forget your Ugg ripoffs when you’re out in the cold.