Maitre D’ at L’Idiot: Your usual table, Mr. Christopher?
Carlo Christopher: No, I’d like a good one this time.
Maitre D’ at L’Idiot: I’m sorry, that is impossible.
Carlo Christopher: Part of the new cruelty?
Maitre D’ at L’Idiot: I’m afraid so.

– LA Story (1991)

Dear Chef Carlson,

I’m so not into The New Cruelty.

Which is why I think the whole hoopla about the difficulty getting reservations at Schwa is so ridiculous. Chicago’s food reviewers love you, Chef Michael Carlson, and I know that Food and Wine magazine named you as one of the best new chefs for 2006. It’s theoretically cool that the chefs are to be your waiters as well.

However, there is a reason that chefs are chefs and waiters are waiters. You dudes need serious front-of-house guys. Why don’t you call Stephen Aspirino for ideas? Right now his attitude is less objectionable than yours. I do NOT find a chronically full voice mail box cool or edgy. Added to no call-backs from said voice mail (if one actually does get to leave a message), it enters into WTF territory.

I find this approach to chefery just stupid. While you will always have people who think such obstacles are a challenge and evidence that they are just soooper-cool to get a reservation at a cutting edge restaurant, these are the kowtowed victims of The New Cruelty and they deserve our sympathy. They don’t last. And if you want your restaurant to last, you better get off your butt and make ordinary folk with boring, ordinary cash feel welcome.

As one seasoned diner on Metromix said:

Let me preface this by stating that I have lived in the city for 15 yrs and have dined at most 3-4 star places in Chicago and many around the world. I have been to Tru, Trotters, Everest, mk, Spring, One Sixty Blue, Green Zebra, all of the Kleiner places, you name it. I know restaurants. …Regarding the “reservation” process - I had the suspicion we were bumped several times for their buddies or other people in their industry and it was confirmed after being there. Everyone (the other 10 people) all seemed to be more casual about the whole situation - they didn’t appear to have waited 3 months for their table (from overhearing conversations). Trust me, the people that were not his friends (we were literally sitting on top of everyone, so you heard everything), were not happy at all with their food, service, nor the experience.

As my dad, a small business owner, says, “You need your pots and pans business to stay in business.” Namely, your steady stream of customers who are loyal – but not necessarily glittery – are essential for longevity.

Well, Chef Rudy McRude, when Duchess J and I stopped by attempting to get a reservation you were admittedly not obnoxious but just admonished us to call the “reservation line” and said you couldn’t help us. Duchess J started complaining she’d tried that already and we told you we lived in your neighborhood (see “pots and pans” above). I was too busy reading in your face that you really would rather be in the kitchen than dealing with people. I accept the fact that chefs are chefs and their genius is in the kitchen. I would not expect them to be…oh, psychologists, for instance. Or marketers. So why don’t you accept it? Why do you think you can run a place without seasoned front of house people? I wouldn’t expect artists to be excellent business managers, and when I meet one that can actually balance a checkbook I’m astonished. Embrace your genius and limitations!

Trotter and his ilk (along with their chef-chasing hanger-ons) may love you now, but how often are they going to eat there? Admittedly I’m no one special. But I do have enough money to eat there. Repeatedly.

Oh well. Guess I’ll be going elsewhere.

No love,

Czarina

P.S. I think your presentation style looks like someone barfed on a plate. You probably could have spent a bit more time learning from Achatz in that regard.

As you can see, we have changed our look a bit and upgraded our blogging software…hence the brief absence due to tech issues. One thing – if you had previously subscribed, you will need to resubscribe. Let me know if you have any problems while trying to view our site!

The Czarina faces a new challenge to go along with her new job. Of course there’s always the intellectual challenge of random people coming up to you and asking for “The Report” – and you have the choice of either saying something that sounds like “Bzuh?!” or “Urgh,” as you try and figure out what they’re talking about before you look like an idiot.

However, right now I’m talking about the challenge of how to dress for the office. The Czarina was working for herself for a while, and theoretically you can wear that shredded sweatshirt from undergrad with the traces of Palace Dog snot on it while you talk to clients on the phone. No one will be the wiser as long as webcams aren’t an integral part of your business.

No, I’m talking about a workplace in which you can actually wear jeans to work. I realize I’m going to get slapped here, because who doesn’t want that kind of job? It’s a challenge for me, though, because my Grandma beat into my head that a woman should never dress like a schlep for work or going out. As Coco Chanel once said, ““I like fashion to go down to the street, but I can’t accept that it should originate there.”

I’m a bit old fashioned this way and it’s hard for me to wrap my mind around jeans in a corporate environment. I don’t have a problem with overpriced designer jeans per se (assuming they’re good quality), because they are definitely prettier than they have been in the past. But to me, jeans = weekend. My mindset is different and my attitude is different when I put on a pair of jeans. I’m not thinking about The Report. I’m thinking about pulling Little Palace Dog off of Large Palace Dog, whether certain people on our street have freakin’ shoveled their sidewalk yet (YO…yeah, you on the corner. Are you trying to kill me?!), or thinking about what I have to get at Home Depot so our rainspouts don’t get stolen again. I am not thinking about work. Jeans are a magical off switch for me.

So I had two choices. I can 1) refuse to wear jeans and look like I’m too good for everyone or 2) wear jeans and try and deal. I chose #2, which at least gave me the opportunity to go shopping. The dirty little secret of “corporate casual” is that you have to have work jeans, just like you have work pants. You can’t go spilling martinis on your work jeans and you can’t run the risk of your thong showing. They’re for work. Your weekend booty peek won’t fly here.

In order to reconcile Grandma’s/Coco’s advice and the fact that one must fit into your particular office culture at least to a degree, I figured I would accessorize. But I’m not really one to dress up jeans so I needed to get some ideas. Where o where do I go?

Read more »

One of the symptoms of an approaching nervous breakdown is the belief that one’s work is terribly important.

– Bertrand Russell (1872 - 1970), Conquest of Happiness (1930) ch. 5

Hello dear Citizens!

I apologize for being gone for so long, just in case you missed your style monarch.

I recently got a new job and was knee deep in those first couple of weeks during which you don’t know anything or anyone, so blogging fell by the wayside a bit.

Well, now I am putting together some semblance of a schedule and plan to return to blogging.

So apologies ( …and can you please put those pitchforks and torches down, I wasn’t spending my winter raiding the Treasury).